On Learning To Lose

I put in a call to The Grim Jester tonight to call my cell and leave me a message when Who Wants To Be A Superhero was over, and tell me who won. I asked this because I knew I would not be able to watch it on my own. I otherwise engaged in escapism tonight in NYC and did not end until 11:00pm.

Well, he left a message detailing some of the ingenious twists and turns taken in the final episode, which involved bringing Major Victory back to the competition, and then he won the show. Fat Momma and Feedback did not.

Now, MV was Grim Jester's favorite, so he could not help but gloat in his phone message. I should've known that, but I was giving Grim a chance to be compassionate and maybe a little better than a knuckle-dragger with me. He failed the test. I'm a little angry at him for it.

Then, I'm a little angry at I-don't-know-who for the outcome of the show because it seems now that Major Victory's win was inevitable. Major. Victory. And again, he's the hunkiest white dude on the show. Why would he not win? What country did I think I was living in?

But different voices 'ahem' for my attention. They say, "America wasn't voting, so America didn't determine Major Victory to win. Therefore America's prediliction to favor the white man did not apply here. Besides, Feedback is a white man too, and he didn't win." All true.

And then I realize that it's just a diversion from the truth of my matter. It's ME that feels outvoted. ME that feels rejected. And I have to learn to lose.

Everyone is not going to think MY ideals are the best. Everybody is not going to prefer MY way of doing things. Everybody is not going to value MY outlook above their own. I need to not only accept that, but embrace that. Love others for their own opinions, values, ideals. Celebrate people in their Not-Me-Ness.

So before, it was, "The Hunky Jock should not win over the Dedicated Geek" for the sake of all us dedicated geeks everywhere, and in vengeance toward all the hunky jocks in my past.

But why can't the hunky jocks enjoy their lives too? Why can't they win too? It means a lot to them--they compete for the same reason I do, and they work hard at it in the obvious physical way (turning them INTO the hunky jock), so why shouldn't they reap what they've earned?

Matt Atherton is still a great heroic, dedicated guy. His rapport with his fans, and me in particular, has been very satisfying. It's created a very fun and even surreal experience for me. Kind of made some of my own dreams come true, in fact ... given how prone to being starstruck that I can be.

So why should I be a sore loser? Feedback has never done so, and never has once showed bad showmanship or portrayed a hint of bitterness in any of his correspondence to us. So why should I?

And even though I'm not Feedback, and my own struggles are unique to me, and so my own failures are particularly painful and my own resiliency might be less functional than Feedback's, I can still aspire to take defeat the way he has.

After all, I really was NOT on the show. *I* really didn't lose the competition. And really, neither did Feedback. He didn't lose---he just didn't win.

But the main point I need to see is that a hero's function is to inspire and only one person did that for me on that show. That's who my winner is. And in that, I actually HAVE won something.

I've won the insight on how to lose. That's not really something I knew before.

Thanks, Feedback.

Game ON. (Still)