Superhero Joyride

Well I finally saw Episode 4 of "Who Wants To Be A..." and I'm glad I had plenty of forewarning. I knew My Hero was going to have an emotional time of it, and I'd read the advance reviews by fans on how he was going to be genuine with a prisoner and get his mission accomplished. He's not My Hero fer nuthin'.

I think if I would have seen the episode with no advance information, I'd probably had lost all self-control and been thrown back into the confusion of gender identity. I've heard the term 'mancrush' used by blatantly hetereosexual guys and admired the freeness with which they use it. I've even recently asked a FanBoard full of married geekdom (the place where I'd heard this term used so bravely) to consider if they'd ever make good on their claims. Because when I get a mancrush, that's when I get nervous about who or what I am. That's why I'm glad for the blog--I think I worked it out. I idolize men for that ideal of masculinity. Idolization is the process of trying to fill up the Dad-sized hole in my life. (Which is another immense identification I have with Matt, and one that is bringing a lot of us together through him) but crossing the line into sexuality skeeves me out. And that's just that. I'm comfortable with that boundary. Relieved by it, even. I can now enjoy my mancrushes, and still hope to someday get busy with a LadyNewMutant.

Okay, now, having said and referenced and whatnot, here's the fear I'm facing NOW...

I think it's possible that Feedback might get eliminated next episode.
Now mark my words, there is absolutely NOTHING that Feedback did wrong on this last show. He excelled in every category of heroism and was a QUALITY hero. Genuine and real and vulnerable and mancrush mancrush mancrush.

But I have a few clues that scare me to death.

1) is this;
Every hero has a comicbook cover representing them already from Dark Horse, but Fat Momma has an extra something on her website. Why? Is the artist already drawing her comic because she has won?

2) At the ComicCon in SanDiego last month, Stan Lee, Fat Momma, Ty'Veculus, Major Victory and Cell Phone Girl was on a panel. Something was asked and Stan said to the crowd "You don't have to worry about Fat Momma...I mean, I wouldn't give anything away...but I think she'll go far with a gold album just based on her theme song." I think he was letting the cat out of the bag. He's an 83 year old man. He could have slipped.

3) Matthew himself has posted in a few places "I really enjoyed my time on the show and learned a lot." That could be from having won it, but it very much looks like it means, "I didn't win it."

4) Feedback had a very emotional scene with Stan, in which Stan ended the night by calling Feedback 'son'. (What? Did I cry? I told you, it was a good thing I had advance information). In the next episode we are told an elimination is going to bring Stan to tears. Only one person can be eliminated in the next episode because there has to be two heroes left standing for Episode 6, the last episode. having made that emotional connection, who else's elimination would bring Stan to tears? Feedback's. Although there's a chance sweet and wonderful Fat Momma might do it to ol' Stan, I'm scared it'll be Feedback.

5) My friend The Grim Jester thinks Major Victory is going to get the win because he has the best showmanship and is most viewer-friendly. He's handsome and has a great sense of humor. His appeal might go farther for the longrun and either Stan or the producers (whoever's making the real decisions) would go for him as their flagship hero. THE IDIOTS. Because we know, Feedback is the one who is the REAL superhero. Not just a hero but a superhero. I mean that. I mean his motivations and determination comes from the very genre itself. His lifestyle and personal tastes are buried within this culture. Personally, he IS us. So if anybody DESERVES the win, it's Feedback. But this is the station that cancelled Farscape and created a movie called Mansquito. I. DON'T. TRUST. THEM. It would be JUST like them to eliminate Feedback next week, and unless they actually get Matthew to co-operate behind-the-scenes, and have him stage a psychotic on-air breakdown from being 'too intense' (whatever THAT means, um hello BATMAN, hello WOLVERINE, um hello DEATH OF GWEN STACY)--unless they play it up and give Matt the chance to have a good, dramatic ala "Dark Enforcer" departure, NOTHING will justify the elimination.

So I'm scared as to what will happen to my sense of well-being if they eliminate Feedback. I'm not talking about razorblades, but just that sunken feeling in your chest that you carry around for days like an unuttered weep.

I don't want them to reject my hero.

I don't want them to reject my ... friend.

EDIT (827/06): This just in ...!