This Creative Life

Welcome to the creative work of Alan White, head writer and producer of "FEEDBACK; A HERO'S CALLING," now at Broken Sea. The "Feedback" in question is Matthew Atherton, My Hero. He and other heroes of mine have links found down the left side of these pages. Enjoy!

Sunday, September 24, 2006

Master Cleanse Ka-PUT!!

After all Friday of Master Cleanse Lemonade, one scoop of protein, and a sensible meal (well, as sensible as Popeye's chicken strips go--soooo good), I discovered yesterday morning that I GAINED WEIGHT.

I had a scoop of protein yesterday morning, went to the gym discovered the tragic news, then went to NYC and had the tips of a Pumpkin Scone (with the icing and flavor stripe on it), chicken w/cashews (no carrot, no celery), appetizer fried noodles (the big wide greasy kind) dipped in duck sauce and brown rice--(split between lunch and dinner), a Grande Pomegranate Frappacino Juice blend between the meals, a Venti Pomegranate Frappacino Juice blend followed by a decaf Tall Latte sweetened with Equal (as were the Fraps) at night because I was just like SCRRRREW IT.

And this morning at the gym I discover I'm down a pound.

So GOODBYE Master Cleanse. My body loves that Maple Syrup WAY too much and I obviously can't be slurping it down all day and expect to lose weight. I'll call you when I'm constipated beyond recognition and Cleansing is my only hope.

Or is it possible that my body is taking two days to register changes from my diet? I guess I'll see tomorrow what it's doing as a result of yesterday.

Confused much?

I'm going back into the city today because right now it's early and I'll escape bridge traffic the same way I did yesterday.

Mood elevated, revelling in my aloneness this weekend, still feeling attractive but annoyed that I can't reach 190 lbs, let alone 175 in two weeks. I need microliposuction, just enough to get the layer of fat out of my muffin top and muscle definition areas (between shoulder and bicep, between pecs and ribcage, between abs and belly button, between biceps/triceps and skin, between hamstrings and quads). Happy though about the broadness of my shoulders, the swell of trap between shoulder and neck, and the definite reduction of my belly. My hips are wide and that will most likely never change (probably a pelvic girdle issue and I can't reduce my bones). Plus people at 5'7" need ballast. But Maybe-Irish is my height and he doesn't have a narrow waist, but he looks good. The secret is in the flat belly and wide shoulders (and chest definition doesn't hurt either). If I tighten those up, I'll be so cute I won't know how to stand myself.

And neither will you. :)


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